im deciding if i should go to bowmanville/oshawa tomorrow.
its where my dad lives and where i used to live. i moved 2 hours away from there just to get away from my ex.
just being where he’s been and the same city he lived in tore my heart at the seams.
i don’t really understand why, but it did. and it hurt.so im going back tomorrow to see old friends and some family and possibly go to straight reads the lines last tour show. im secretly hoping my ex will be there,i havent seen him since we broke up in august.but at the same time i know if i see him there i will either, do something stupid or cry. most likely cry cause im a crybaby.
fuck.i wish i could just solve everything with a snap of my fingers. unforunatly, i am not a genie, nor do i posses a magic lamp.
well.. we’ll see how this goes. as for today, it shall be interesting. ill keep ya updated.whoever you are..
“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”—The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via punkawonk) (via chasingsunsets)
1. go to paris for a week 2. go to NYPL (The New York Public Library) 3.own at least one floor to ceiling bookself 4.swim in the ocean 5.paint on a 6ft canvas 6.paint a mural in a school 7.clean animals after an oil spill 8.build a school in a poor country 9.publish a book 10.get my PhD 11.See the Bran Castle in Transylvania 12.go to an omish community 13.Watch an orchestral performance did 9 times ! 14.continue ballet and be in a big performance 15.meet avenged sevenfold 16.get a stick person with big tits tattooed on me 17.donate a whole pay cheque to breast cancer 18.own a pair of shoes over $400 19.be a medical technician in the army 20.moved to britian for a year 21.watch the sunset overlooking the ocean 22.go to newfound land again 23.meet the italian mob 24.trace my family tree back as far as i can 25.get breast implants 26.go to a leafs game 27.document everyday of summer with pictures 28.have my art work in a gallery 29.make a giant fort and stay in it for days 30.get over my massive fear of worms 31.learn sign language again cause i forgot it 32.find my brother 33.see a dead body 34.organize a protest against the laws/jail time of rapists 35.party in vegas for a week 36.donate blood 37.learn how to play drums 38.go to alaska 39.have a friend tattoo me thanks bobby ! 40.go to paris fashion week 41.sit in the bat mobile 42.buy an SLR camera 43.put a messege in a bottle 44.go to a buddhist temple in china 45.speak fluent french 46.get my ossession Acquisition Licence (PAL) 47.get possession licence for firearms (POL) 48.teach art for a year in rome 49.write a thesis 50.see a shooting star with someone i love 51.see chicago the musical 52.learn how to tattoo 53.work with waramps 54.go to times square & yell BOMB!!.. kiddng. maybe? 55.BEAT UP KALEVI MCKAY ! HAHAHAH 56.ride in a kangeroos pouch 57.meet cris angel & tell him he always mindfucks me. 58.buy a star 59.marry a girl. 60.then divorce her after 3 months 61.own an orgional van gough painting 62.walk around the streets topless 63.do the hokey pokey with over 500 people 64.write charles manson a letter 65.read the dictionary 66.sign the papers to donate my organs & such for when i die 67.get my two favorite kitties tattooed on me (arthur & muffin) 68.write a childrens book 69.meet a nun outside of churchIN THE GROCERY STORE! BAHAH 70.ring the bell in the notre dame 71.meet free willy and swim with him 72.create a blogging site www.jesselyn-jade.tumblr.com 73.crowd surf 74.meet the best drummer visit his grave. rip the rev :( 75.work at the budcamp 76. bring shoes/clothes/toys to unfortunate kids in a 3rd world country 77.join the peace corps 78.touch pamela andersons tits 79.memorize a whole book. 80.volunteer in a hospital 81.work at katimavik 82.be able to find all the major constellations 83.smoke weed with my dad 84.backpack across europe 85.grow my hair and cut it off to donate it to cuts for cancer 86.get a tattoo of myself 87.go skiiing in british columbia 88.own a pig 89.get over my deathly fear of the dark 90.start my own charity organization 91.volunteer at a retirement home 92.pet a bumblebee 93.stop swearing for 72 hours 94.walk through a haunted house 95.attend gay pride 96.meet the loch ness monster 97.learn how to whistle 98.play beach volleyball 99.go to a legit nude beach 100.do the 3 day walk for breast cancer.